The Nice Librarian

Sigh.  After a nice weekend in Philly, then a few days with my parents here to help with the rugrats & doggie, & my life in general, reality is back.  I thought I was actually going to be able to go the Y after work, since Yahoo usually has the kids on Wed. until 7, but he called and said that he had to get home to take his baby to the clinic.  Argh.  So I got home at 5:45 to discover that he hadn't even fed the kids yet, despite being there since 4pm.  So the kids were tired and hungry and cranky.  Then during American Idol Yahoo called to inform me that two of the kids at his house have strep, so I might want to be on the lookout for that.  Great.  My throat feels sore already, Max and Ruby have been sick for ages, and I see having to take sick time in my future.  AND Yahoo can't take the kids for the next two Wednesdays.  Shocker.  The apartment is already starting to get messed up without grandma here to pick up and do dishes, and I should be doing just that now, but I feel like it is a lost cause.   I barely stayed awake through American Idol, then dozed off for a little while in front of the tv, to be awoken by the mutt whining at me.  So I put on my old pajama pants under my nightgown and just buttoned up my coat, put on a pair of my work shoes without socks, locked the door and proceeded to walk the fricking dog.  After dragging her old furry butt around the apartment complex I came back to the apartment and realized that I had locked the f***ng door, but that the key I needed to open it was inside since I had taken it off my keychain to give it to Yahoo earlier that day so he could get in the apartment.  So me and the mutt were locked out of the apartment at 11 pm, with my two kids sleeping inside.  And of course I have a nightgown on, no bra, old pajama pants on, and no purse or money.  Not good.  So I went into my patio, proceeded to destroy a window screen in the hopes that maybe I had left one of my windows unlocked.  Luckily I had, so I was able to haul my fat ass up on a frickin' lawn chair and managed to get in my window without killing myself.  And of course during this whole break-in process my dog is barking and yelping for the entire apartment complex to hear.   But I was just happy to get inside without having to call a locksmith.  I wonder how much the complex will charge for the broken screen.  Then I thought, even hoped, that maybe a cute cop would knock on the door to see if everything was ok -- if I had been looking out my window and seen someone climbing through a window at night, I would have called the cops, just in case.  But nope, apparently no one noticed or cared.   So I've locked my window and put my key back on my keychain.  Argh.  And now I'm wide awake.  Double argh. 

So I'm in Philadelphia visiting my best friend and her hubby this weekend.  It was a minor miracle that I am even here -- the weather was good, my parents were able to watch my kids, I didn't catch the horrendous illnesses my children have had the past few weeks, I found people to take out my dog.  All is good.  I went to the exhibits of the mid-winter ALA today at the convention center, it was pretty good.  I got lots of free stuff which I paid 15 bucks to ship back to the library -- lots of galleys to read guys!  I didn't see anyone I knew, but that isn't too surprising.  Tomorrow we're going to Ikea, I'm quite excited by this, I've never been.  And we're going to Chipotle's for lunch, which I loved loved loved while I was in Denver and have missed ever since.  I'll be back on Monday, I'm sooooo sad I'm missing the first day of storyhour registration...snicker snort.  And be prepared folks, I think we are bailing on BWI and changing book vendors.  Not sure who yet, I'll be talking to a few when I get back, I chatted with a bunch at the conference.  And guess what??  Our BWI rep, who was really good and whom I liked, has been working for Ingram for six days now.  He said that he couldn't stay with BWI because they just weren't upholding their promises to their customers.  Ok, gotta go, my friends have made a gourmet meal for me and are waiting....yum.  I could get used to this lifestyle, let me tell you.  No kids and enough money and an urban lifestyle.  Ahhhh, yet I miss those obnoxious redheaded kids though.

Hello all, I'm alive!  I did get a few emails and comments asking if I was ok from internet people -- yes, I'm fine, just been too busy to post.  Nothing great going on, although I did get my promotion -- which is good -- but now in addition to feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed in my personal life, I now feel that way at work too.  Oh well. 

I was supposed to be in at 9 to open the library today, I made it in at 9:10.  I woke up to the alarm clock at 8:35.  I must have just been hitting snooze and not even knowing it.  Not surprising since as usual I got very little sleep.  Anyway, I was mid-dream when I finally woke up and I was having a weird one.  For some reason I was a lowly worker in India, and I had a really nasty boss (and no, I have nothing against Indian people -- I have no idea why I was dreaming this) who was making me carry stacks of expensive dishes from a picnic in a field to a building nearby.  Of course I was having a hard time carrying them, and almost dropped them several times -- and the bosslady was screaming at me that I better not drop them or else.  Then while I was trying to carry them some guy came up out of nowhere and asked me where he could buy a stuffed giraffe with a floppy neck.  Me being the helpful librarian type, even in my dreams apparently, was able to tell him some store that sold stuffed giraffes, and then I gave him helpful hints about how to make its neck floppy.  So this guy was very happy with my info, but the mean bosslady was screaming at me to hurry up with the dishes, so I started walking again across the field, only to look down and notice that the field is COVERED in dog poop.  And that I had been stepping in it all along, and that there was no way to avoid it.  And that is when I woke up to the alarm, and after looking at the time, I said (come on, you must see this one coming!)  "Oh shit!!!"  Which is what I was saying in my dream. 

So how strange is that???  I think this dream was pretty funny, and damn easy to analyze, right??  Who wants to take a crack at it and tell me what is wrong with my life???  

Ok, 150 minutes or reading or being read to a week didn't seem unreasonable at the time.  Sure, the kids could read 30 minutes a day for five days a week, no problem.  Come in and get your reading record stamped and get your little trinkety prize.  Seemed perfectly reasonable back in April when we hatched up the summer reading plan.  So, of course my kids are signed up for the summer reading program.  And my almost 6 year old had no problem racking up the 150 minutes last week, she is reading on her own, and hell, it takes her about a half hour to finish Green Eggs and Ham (all by herself, I'm so proud! :-) ) But Max?  When it was time to go to the library I added up the time I spent reading to him and I was a half hour short.  Oh crap.  Ruby would get her temporary tattoo and restaurant gift certificate, and Max would get nothing.  And whose fault is it?  Mainly mine.  So here we go people, here is the part that illustrates how horrible I am, and how close I really am to the end of my rope -- I lied on my own son's reading record.  Next year I will change the number of minutes for prereaders, but that's next year.  This week I lied, ok?  So, go ahead, think how that is teaching my children bad things (not that they knew), but you know what, I'm lucky they are bathed and dressed at this point, and have eaten something other than trans fat with extra sugar and food coloring sprinkled on top.   Ok, if you didn't figure this out already, there is a major whine/bitch/woe is me post on the horizon here --

I'm tired.  It is impossible to do all the things you are supposed to do for two small children, an old dog, and yourself when you are alone with no support, money, or help.  When their father is too busy with his "new" family to stick to a regular visitation schedule.  It seems like the only time I have to myself is on the holidays when he suddenly decides that gee, he needs to see his kids.  So yeah, that is fun, the fourth of july by myself.  How nice.  And I'm tired of having to act all happy and supportive when max and ruby talk about daddy's new "wife" and their "step-brothers" and about their soon-to-be-born half baby brother.  I want to scream and shout and tell them that their daddy is a selfish idiot and that daddy is still technically married to me.  And that for all daddy's talk about god and religion, and praying before meals, he is not really that good a person.  He might try, but in the end he is all talk and no action, he is just too weak to do what is right.  He may think that it makes him a better person to go away for five days to some religious gathering/synod thingy, but in reality, it just made his five year old daughter cry her eyes out because daddy wasn't there to see her on Friday.  But you can't tell all that to a five year old girl that thinks her daddy is the best thing ever.  So instead I have to smile and nod and say how nice.  It drives me insane.   INSANE.  Ok, so there.  I'm done now.   

In other news, it was bossman's last day today.  Kinda weird.  He was the one who hired me five years ago, the place won't be the same without him.  He wasn't here tonight to tell me if I should go with the yellow or the orange construction paper head for my paper bag giraffe puppet (I went with the yellow -- but I'm filled with self-doubt:-)   And how will I know who are the hottest storytime moms without him to point them out to me??  And I doubt I will notice the location of their tattoos now that he won't be around :-)  So, I'm currently the "interim" head of youth services, we'll see how long it takes the powers that be to fill the position.  Hopefully they will hire me, I need the extra money, and hey, it will be good for me to have something else to think about other than my crappy personal situation.  Ok, gotta go cut out more giraffe heads now! 

A kid just came in and asked if we had a copy of New Moon, (some new teen vampire book), and I typed it into the catalog, and then was very confused when I found myself staring at entries entitled "New Man".  Apparently I typed that in instead of "new moon".  I started laughing, which made the kid I was helping think I was absolutely nuts. 

Not much else going on here, just finished school visits and doing a silly skit for thousands of kids in four different schools.  Ugh!  I had an intern go with me this year, so it was actually pretty fun.  And once again, it reinforced my belief that I am not cut out to be a school librarian -- they don't have air conditioning.  I don't know how they can stand it!  Now this weekend I need to decorate the Children's Room and in general get my act together for Summer Reading.   My age group is the babies and toddlers this year, and I need to prepare myself to do baby storytime for WAY too many kids.  Not sure what the plan is gonna be -- a lot of singing I think, and extended playtime.  Not sure how I'm going to read to 40 or 50 one and two year olds.  Hmmmm.  Maybe I should have thought of all this BEFORE I advertised it... 

What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

Hmmmm, this is a tough one...not.  Being cheated on, lied to repeatedly, not having any help with bills or housework, them spending more time on the internet chatting with other women and looking at porn than with you...but these are just general examples, right?  Ha. 

What words make you giggle (no matter how old you are)? 
Submitted by Margurette.  

Spackle.  For some reason, a college buddy and I would always say "spackle" and crack up.  No idea why. 

Are you taking a vacation this summer (or this season)?  Where are you headed and who's going with you?

Ok, all three of you who read my blog, listen up.   As you've probably noticed, I've been missing for months now.  I'm alive.  I'm ok.  I don't have much of interest that I'm willing to share with the world as of yet, but I'm going to attempt to ease into the blogging world again, so thought I'd try to answer Vox's daily question and see how it goes.  So, here goes:

I'm going on "vacation" this summer in exciting Rochester NY where my parents live -- I'll be taking the two kiddos and the dog, and spending a week there at the house where I grew up.  My father will cook extravagant and calorie-laden breakfasts, we'll visit the zoo and the museums, swim in the neighbor's pool, I'll nap, the kids will spend lots of time outdoors in grandma and grandpa's yard and gardens -- and I'll wonder how in the hell it happened that my lifestyle and standard of living is so much lower than that of my parents.  I can't even afford a real vacation.   Isn't it the American dream to do better than your parents????  Maybe not anymore, I can't be the only one, right?  But hey, at least their house has central air.  And did I mention that my father cooks bacon or sausage EVERY morning?  Makes me coffee?  Pancakes?  Homemade waffles?  Homefries?  Ok, what the hell am I complaining about, I LOVE to visit my parents.  I just would LOVE even more to go somewhere new, somewhere fun.  

because I'm the one "in charge" of the library.  Yegads.  God forbid anything serious actually were to happen that I had to act on -- I'm so half asleep lately (sleep apnea rearing its ugly head again) that I can't make quick decisions.  So far tonight the only thing I've been called upon to deal with is a patron complaint that there is no soap in the women's bathroom.  Ok.  Why is the head lady at circulation thinking this is something for me to deal with???? Whatever.  Hmmm, you have three clerks sitting and reading magazines at the check-out desk, while there is only one of me in the Children's room -- and I was actually busy doing an easy reader order -- but whatever, I realize that my master's degree makes me a MUCH better candidate to go and rectify this urgent public health issue.   So I poke around in the back rooms looking for somthing that might be liquid hand soap -- find a big bottle labeled "Hand soap -- cut".  Huh?  Should I dilute it with water?  Will our patrons have severe skin problems if I don't?  Or is the library just too cheap to offer full-strength hand soap?  Hmmm.  My library degree did not prepare me for this.  So I lug the bottle into the women's room, where I am faced with more challenges.  I see the soap pumps.  Where does the soap go?  This is one of those things that I am not good at -- mechanical/common sense type stuff.  Where are my printed directions???  Where are my "insert slot a into b" instructions?  Can I look this up on the internet? I look underneath the sink and catch a glimpse of the the soap container bottles, which are almost completely blocked off -- maybe if I crawl on my hands and knees in my dress pants and contort myself enough I'll be able to reach my hand in there and somehow unscrew the things -- yeah, no.  And then I notice that one of the two soap thingeys actually HAS lots of soap in it -- so why am I even bothering?  Apparently the complaining patron did not pump the thing more than once to see that soap actually did come out of it.   Why why why.   

Wow, haven't posted in quite a while!  Nothing much happening here, the holidays were pretty quiet, no one was sick, the kids were good.  Just trying to keep my head above water on the homefront, having a hard time getting everything done -- the place is a mess, I want my own washer and drier back, and I'm in serious need of sleep.   Have had a rough couple of weeks emotionally I guess.  Not a great start to the New Year unfortunately.  But that's life. 

I'm gearing up for the winter storytime session that begins next week at the library -- once again, not enough room in our storyhours and unhappy people on waiting lists.  And because I'm stupid and too nice, I upped the amount of kids in my toddler times to 25, because I hate to turn people away.   Way too many 2 year olds (plus whatever siblings come along too) to manage.  We'll see how it goes.   And of course for the first session we're reading about snow, snow, snow...not that we've seen any this year!  Weird. 

Ok, I've started to talk about the weather.  I guess this is why I haven't posted in over a month!  I really have nothing to say that wouldn't involve serious whining with a heavy dose of self-pity. I do have tons of books and movies to post about, just don't have enough energy.  I will soon.  Hey, maybe I'll even find something amusing and sarcastic to write about for a change.  Or maybe not.